


Rip Yourself Open, Sew Yourself Shut

by Cloroxqueen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 404 Ben Solo Not Found, Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angry Kylo Ren, BDSM, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dominant Kylo Ren, Everyone Needs A Hug, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kylo Ren Has Issues, My First Fanfic, Possibly Unrequited Love, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rey Needs A Hug, Sexual Violence, Sorry Not Sorry, Submissive Rey (Star Wars), where am i going with this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2020-06-02 15:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19444324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloroxqueen/pseuds/Cloroxqueen
Summary: Dystopian post-war AU. Kylo Ren finds Rey unconscious and wounded after the battle in Snoke's throne room, with the sudden fall of The Resistance and the destruction of The Finalizer, he decides to take fate into his own hands.





	1. Now You Have No One

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, just the dirty thoughts of this story in my head. 
> 
> After fighting my more logical urges I have decided it's high time to start writing again, should I be writing biochemistry papers and focusing on my education and work? Yes. Will I get distracted by writing smutty tactless fandoms instead? Yes.
> 
> My first fic in over a decade so don't wound me too deeply friends, hang tight I promise good (by good I mean really inappropriate and most likely triggering naughty material) to come. I will update weekly or more often than that if my schedule allows. 
> 
> This story will contain oodles of explicit material, please be aware of tags!

The first thing that came to Kylo Ren's mind was that the smell of metal and cloth burning filled the very air around him, the second was the searing pain he felt on the side of his skull and his left shoulder. For him, pain would always be the last thing he thought of, but then a third thought came into his mind as his awareness began to invade his senses.

_Rey_

What was a seemingly slow come to, sharpened and honed into focus. As he shifted quickly he saw that the throne room, or what was left of it was still filled with smoke from the red textured hangings burning and falling around him in pieces, the sound of scorching meal ringing in his ears. He frantically searched the area around him seeking her form out, and against his will the first thought that passed his conscience was _“No, not her, please.”_

She had rejected him and he was still too weak to ignore the fear that spiked inside of him at the thought of her possible loss.

Amongst the pile of hot rubble he spotted her frayed and charred tunic, moving with gusts of smoke that made the room move on its own as oxygen was sucked from the entire area. He moved over to her, assuring himself that it was to ensure she was dead, an aching fear coursing through him against his will. He took in her form, blood spread across her tan arm bands, black soot covering her lovely features along with the drying blood, and he watched as her chest rose and fell frantically, unconscious and unaware of the destruction around them.

His first thought was that she looked like an angel of death, peaceful in her carnage and splendor. He knew that his first cognizant thought should be to kill her, destroy her, her words of rejection seeping into his bones with the same raw emotion to be relived all over again, her voice ghosting his mind.

_Ben_

Kylo snapped into the present and scooped her up carefully, trying to avoid the open wounds that ran down her arms from the jagged metal that surrounded them, sweat dripping from his brow onto the torn front of her filthy tunic. He gazed down at her as he maneuvered around the bodies of the armed fallen that had faced off against them.

_Mine, I'll be the only one to destroy her._

He made his way to the exit of Snoke's throne room, now completely void of a door from the blast that the broken kyber crystal has caused to find the ship in complete chaos, he didn't even bother glancing around at the stormtroopers who frantically made their way to their stations, but moved with purpose to the security communications room with her still cradled in his arms.

_This is not how I wanted you, I wanted you willing._

His resolve began to harden with searing anger, placing her on the floor as gently as his injured shoulder would allow he began to search through the security footage as the blaring alarms sounded off around him in warning of the ships stability. The remaining screens flashed images of resistance ships who had launched their attack pending Rey's arrival on the failing Finalizer, their heroism skittering to an impending halt, when he watched with awe as the last two TIE fighters burst into flames from cannons of the west side of the ship.

He felt it before he watched the last few ships explode and join the stardust.

_The resistance has fallen._

He thought of his mother for a split second, the end of her existence during this endless war, the lost memories of a life lived before, but they wavered when he felt nothing in return.

Emptiness.

_This is what you wanted, isn't it?_

Chances were slim that The First Order was fairing much better with The Finializer on the verge of failure, even with the defeat of The Resistance, he knew he had to get them both off the ship if there was any hope for their survival. His reflexes moved with assured speed, picking Rey up and running from the small comm room towards the hanger where his personal escape pod was located. Smoke and scattered bodies rushed passed his vision and he picked up his pace, using the force to navigate his path around the life threatening obstacles of the decaying corridor that stood in his way.

_Now she is yours, take what you want._

He opened the door of the ship with the wave of his hand, ignoring the flames around him as he pushed his way into the bay of the craft and set her less than gently in a small adjacent room to the cockpit that only held two other metal chairs and a small bench that he deposited her onto. For a second he thought to bind her somehow in case she roused, but realized that time was critical if they were going to make it out alive.

_Rip yourself open, sew yourself shut._

Kylo Ren sharpened his anger into focus and maneuvered the narrow escape pod out of The Finalizers hanger bay, barely missing two large pieces of metal that collapsed inside, almost blocking his way out. A smaller scrap hitting the left side of the ship with a horrid noise and caused him to look back at her form while piloting into open space, she did not stir, but continued to breathe at a frantic pace, as if sensing the changes around her in her unconscious state.

_Why is the force connecting us, you and I._

Holding his breath, he piloted the small escape shuttle away from the Finalizer and even as he felt the entire pod shake from the explosion of the large craft he closed his eyes and bit into his cheek, letting the copper tang of blood gush onto his tongue to soothe his racing thoughts.

_Let the past die, kill it if you have to._

He felt his hands grip the controls until his knuckles turned completely white from lack of circulation. Trying to control his anger he looked back at Rey, her mangled arm had fallen over the side of the bench she was strewn upon, the top of her torn tunic revealing her dirty skin, more much more than he had seen in any of their encounters. A dark sense of calm moved through his entire being, looking at her in this defenseless state, his resolve hardening with a new sense of purpose as the blood dried onto the corners of his mouth.

_She's not willing, I'll make her willing. I'll break her._

_You're no one, you have no one, now you only have me._


	2. What I Think About In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dystopian post-war AU. Kylo Ren finds Rey unconscious and wounded after the battle in Snoke's throne room, with the sudden fall of The Resistance and the destruction of The Finalizer, he decides to take fate into his own hands.

Rey couldn't recall the last time she has felt the kind of weightlessness she was currently experiencing, in fact when she listlessly reminisced about her existence on Jakku she could only remember feeling heavy, and terrified of the weight that came with living day to day on scraps and rations. She looked at the soft wave of her hand as she moved it across the colors that ran from blue to purple, mimicking smoke or vapor that surrounded her in living color.

“Where am I?” She breathed dreamily

Her dreamlike state was torn from her, and felt as though something was ripping through her and she felt a sudden jerk on her arm, as if someone was trying to yank it off and tear her limb from limb. The vapor dissipated and she was suddenly thrown into hot searing pain, she felt her lungs greedily take in air, flecks of spittle flying back onto her face as she coughed what felt like multiple breaths of smoke out of her chest.

She felt the tender pain shoot through her arms, she could feel the deep gashes without even laying eyes on them, a slight tingling mixed with a white shattering burning sensation. Her mind desperately tried to gather her most recent memories, what happened, where was she, how was she hurt?

She shook as jumbled memories made their way back into her subconsciousness.

_Ben_

She had come to him, willingly and without thought of the consequences. The Resistance was losing their traction quickly with each battle and she knew that their connection had to _mean something._ That perhaps she could salvage the losing side by convincing Kylo Ren to come back to them with her, to be who he was born to be, Ben Solo.

_I could be enough for you._

They had fought together, and for the first time in her life she left a sense of belonging that in her circumstances growing up, had never felt, like she had a place in the galaxy. He has _saved_ her, battling Snoke and the guards alongside her.

_Belonging._

But then the rest of her memories came flooding back in a dizzy spin. His request to join him, her rejection to his offer, the betrayal and rage in his onyx eyes when she reached for the saber after he had begged her and beckoned her to him, and then, darkness. She felt her heart stutter at the thought of him throwing away everything they had envisioned when they had touched hands through the force bond. Did she even know what he himself had seen?

_Please..._

She looked around and could deduce that she was in some some of small craft carrier without anyone in sight though she could hear the whirl of the control panel from the cockpit which was just out of her line of sight, had someone come to the Finalizer to save her or a rouge rescue mission perhaps? She glanced down at her tattered garments and flinched from the friction of the metal bench, her back sticking to the shards of her clothing causing her to see stars in front of her eyes.

She tried to raise her arm to inspect the damage but found herself turning her head to accommodate the injury. Her arm was a gruesome sight along with the lateral side of her body that the extremity was on. It looked as if sharp, and most likely hot shards of shrapnel and metal has sliced across her tender flesh, blood seeped slowly from one of the larger gashes and along the ridges of her sternum and ribs she dried blood sticking to the scabbing wounds that littered her pale skin.

_You're not alone._

Rey jerked in the direction of the cockpit when she heard shifting from inside of the room, she stretched her body as much as it would allow over the end of the bench to get a look at who was driving this tiny thing, she saw a flash of a black mane that she could spot anywhere, and her blood suddenly ran frigid cold with recognition, like ice water had been dumped all over her injured, slashed up limbs.

_Neither are you_

No, this was not happening, where were they?

He must have felt her shift in energy because she suddenly sees his head jerk to the left, she can make out one of his eyes in the dark shadows and lighting from the panel controls in the cock pit, from where she is partially laying the can almost _taste_ his anger, which to her, has always been a pungent thing.

_You don't have to do this._

Where did they stand? Her vision and mind were still blurring together thoughts and memories, confusion gripping her as she tried to grasp what was happening between the mix of pain and disassociate links to her thoughts and feelings from her injuries.

He has set the shuttle to auto pilot and was in the doorway towering near one of the chairs that was positioned to her right before she could even blink, his hair falling into his eyes. His presence sucked the air out of the entire space, and when she looked up, flinching in pain from shifting her arm she was almost taken aback by the intensity of his glare, not only was there anguish and rage, but something _hungrier,_ something more sinister than she has seen in the past.

Rey held her breath, letting herself finally exhale softly with only one thought that replayed in her mind over and over again when she was left alone and in the darkness, emotions mixed with fear and confusion, his desperation was tangible to her.

_You have that look in your eyes, from the forest._


	3. I Know What He Wants Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dystopian post-war AU. Kylo Ren finds Rey unconscious and wounded after the battle in Snoke's throne room, with the sudden fall of The Resistance and the destruction of The Finalizer, he decides to take fate into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll with this, three chapters in 24 hours! Still slow burning over here so no warning tags...yet. Fourth of July weekend is upon us and the only plans I have is to work on this story and study, so get your smut goggles ready. Enjoy!

Rey felt the electricity shock her through the bond once their eyes met, her limbs shaking from the exertion and pain, tinged with something else, fear. She quickly tried to wall off her confusion from her thoughts, determined to face him without fear.

“Where are we? Where are you taking me?” Rey whispered, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible.

If Kylo wanted to respond, his facial features did not indicate it, his mouth set into a stoic line with streaks of dried blood trailing along the corner of his mouth. She tried to implore him through the bond by opening up her mind, but she found his mind closed off like a steel wall, showing her nothing of his intention.

There was a heavy silence that hung in the air between them, things to be said that would never come to fruition. His eyes glanced to her injured arm and she pulled it to her chest, protecting the injury instinctively. He looked back into her eyes, his own shining with an emptiness she had not seen before, they usually reflected sheer emotion, no matter how volatile. He shifted his weight to lean into the doorway, physically hunching into his height, opening his mind to allow her a glimpse of the words that could not leave his lips.

_They're dead, it's just you and I now._

She recoiled and tried to struggle into a sitting position but the wind was completely knocked from her lungs from the lack of oxygen. Tears began to leak from one of the corners of her eyes and she did not possess the strength to wipe it away. She grimaced in disgust and met his eyes, “You're lying”.

A voice finally broke through his silence “Search your feelings, you know I haven't lied to you, _ever._ ” he spat.

She began to panic and reached out to the force with the remaining strength left in her, she frantically searched for the life force of her loved ones, more tears unwillingly escaping down her dirty cheeks as she found herself connecting with nothing, _feeling nothing._

_Emptiness_

With her eyes closed she gasped, then released a shuddering sob she frantically kicked her legs, one of them she could feel must be broken but managed to sit up on the cold bench and hunch into herself, pulling her seeping bloody arms towards her. She opened her eyes looking at him in rage, “ _You”_ she whispered. “I'll kill you.”

He looked up at her then, hearing her spat at him with venomous rage and spoke, “Everything you have done has brought you here, to me. You're friends perished because of the choices you made, the choices they made. What did you think war would be for you? You're smarter than that.”

_It's time to let old things die_

She recoiled at his words and felt her body slumping to the left with her inability to stay balanced. She still found her voice even though her body was giving out on her from her untreated injuries.

“Are you taking me somewhere to The First Order? Giving me away as the final prize in the spoils of war?” She breathed in and coughed more spittle onto the front of what was remaining of her tunic. His eyes shifted back down to where her breast band revealed the scraped skin, she traced his eyes and her stomach physically knotted with disgust.

“There is no First Order, The Finalizer is destroyed from the battle with The Resistance, we are all that remain, our existence is unknown.” he whispered.

His words shocked her from the churning in her stomach, then doubled as her racing thoughts began to mull over the possibilities. If his allegiance was with a non existing dictatorship, and her connection to the universe as she had come to know it was destroyed, where did that leave them, where did it leave her. _What was he intending to do with her._

Rey closed her eyes as she began to fade from the pain, her mind reveling over the snippets of his tortured emotions through the force that they had experienced over the past several weeks. The way Kylo Ren had become obsessed with inter-workings of her thoughts, how keeping him out was becoming harder and harder. Wether it was the way his eyes, filled with varying emotions passed though her memories, or his whispered words from across the galaxy, hands reaching to make contact.

_I saw something too, and when the time comes you'll be the one to turn, you'll stand with me, Rey._

As if he could hear her train of thought, he moved towards her, quicker than she anticipated with long strides across the small room of the shuttle. She let out a futile gasp as she tried to shift her fading mind and body from his towering presence. She tensed her body is preparation of him grabbing her by one of her injured extremities, but instead felt one of his large hands grab her chin with and jerk her head up with minimal force. She felt his thoughts like tendrils in her mind when their eyes locked, confused that the connection sparked with life even with the demise of his former master.

She felt emotions and fractured thoughts flood into her that were not her own. _Shame, anger, desire, confusion, hunger, rage, fear, betrayal, loss, there's no where to go now, it's just us, you're mine, this is our destiny_ played in the forefront of her mind and she found herself unable to look away as salt traced itself from her eyes, over her lips and the dried blood on her chin to fall from her face onto his gloved hand.

_I'll destroy her_

The last thing she saw before darkness overtook her for the second time that day was Kylo Ren's eyes boring into hers with a feverish intensity that told her everything and nothing all at once.

Rey's last thought before giving into the nothingness was _I know what he wants now._


	4. You're Not Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dystopian post-war AU. Kylo Ren finds Rey unconscious and wounded after the battle in Snoke's throne room, with the sudden fall of The Resistance and the destruction of The Finalizer, he decides to take fate into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay beauties, this is the chapter where my tag warnings start, please make sure you've gone over them and are comfortable with that sort of material. Thank you for all of the response and love on this story!
> 
> With that said, it's time to let my smut flag fly! *maniacal laughing ensues*

Kylo ripped his hand away from Rey's face as if her skin had physically burned him, she slumped down with the removal of his gloved fingers supporting her chin, with quick reflexes caught her on her left side before she slid from the bench. He glanced down to see the metal was covered in blood, some drying and turning a deep copper, other splatters wet and seeping around her like a halo around her body.

_Shit_

He realized just how injured she was once her body was removed from the carnage that surrounded her. His eyes swept over her form, he could see the multiple lacerations covering her arms and her leg seems to be twisted at an odd angle, broken he figured by the placement and the bruising forming around her tibia.

He shifted her back into his arms and stood without effort and headed towards the crafts only larger area, the bedroom/living space. He placed her gently on the the bed trying to mind her wounds and her displaced leg, her head lolled to the side and he turned towards the fresher where he knew first aide supplies would be. Typically he was on the other end of needing to be healed, and his avoidance of professional healing had taught him a great deal on rouge medical treatment.

A memory flashed through his mind

_Her figure above him after she had struck him down on Starkiller base, he could taste her anger in the air as he looked upon her in awe. She was poised to strike him again and the searing pain that sliced across his face vibrated, the tissue cauterized from the very lightsaber he had tried to call out to. In that moment, a moment where he should be fearing his imminent death, he felt himself growing hard under her penetrating gaze._

_He would not allow droids to to heal him for sometime, he wanted to reveal in the pain_

_The reminder of her_

“Don't” he spoke out loud as a warning to himself, falling silently on to Rey's unconscious ears.

As he set to work he threw the supply bag unceremoniously on to the other side of of the bed and dug into its contents for bacta patches and ointment. He ripped off his bloody gloves using his teeth and turned to her, taking her form in.

She was battered to a pulp, he was unsure if it was from the rocks that fell on top of her or is some of the injuries occurred during their battle against Snoke's guards. She was slight, almost too small, but as his eyes traveled over her he felt a tightening in his stomach that brought him back to the present. He began ripping off her top leaving her in just her breast band, he quickly moved to the supplies and retrieved a pair of working sheers and began to slice off her issue style pants, leaving her bare to him in her undergarments. He could feel his breath stop for a beat, as his pulse began after a skip at an accelerated rate, blood rushing into his ears.

Setting to work he applied the bacta ointment to her scraped across her breast bone and rib cage, he ripped open the patches and stuck them to the seeping wounds on her arms along with gauze wraps, using the remaining ointment on sterile cloths, using a wiping motion over the more superficial wounds. He moved down her stomach, trailing his ungloved hands roughly across her skin and he worked quickly down her body. With the last five patches he had remaining he completely wrapped her broken leg with the sticky substance and wrapped in over with gauze.

He felt himself growing hard, just as quickly as the memory that had surfaced earlier as he completed his work with the bacta. He swept the remaining sterile cloths up and went to the fresher to wet them with warm water, his hands making quick work of the crusted blood, and in a gentler motion returned to her face to clean over the dirt and debris that coated her skin in a thick layer. His gaze softened slightly as he cleaned her, slowly revealing her skin under the coating of brown and black, he felt another skip of his pulse.

She would almost look peaceful if it wasn't for the crease in her brow indicating her strain.

Once he completed treating her, he glanced around the room as his eyes landed on a single uncomfortable single chair that was placed by the bedside near the corner, he moved towards it and placed himself quietly into it, contemplating how long she would be out for, not comfortable enough with what her state of mind would be when she woke to use the fresher to clean the grime off of himself. So Kylo Ren did what he does best, and began to brood within his mind, unblinking while watching her almost nude chest rise and fall, letting his mind work into his memories.

Y _ou're not alone_

_Neither are you_

_Rey's gasp as her fingertips brushed his own naked hand_

_The fire in her eyes as she towered above him, light saber poised to strike_

_Her gaze looking up at him with the lights moving across her face in the elevator_

_You'll turn, I'll help you_

_The grip of her hand clutching his thigh as they battled back to back with Snoke's flayed body behind them_

_Ben_

Kylo Ren clutched his fists hard enough for his nails to bite into the tender flesh, bringing droplets of blood into the palm of his hands. With an agonizing growl he ripped at the latch of his belt and pushed down the heavy black cloth with a yank, already hard enough to make him hiss through his teeth with the first brush of the course material moving down his length. Taking himself into his blood drenched hand he locked his eyes onto Rey's supple and injured form, her delicate state spurring his movements and arousal at an even quicker pace. His hips rocked into his palm and he tried to conceal a gasp that no ones ears could hear, the lubrication of her blood mixed with his own pushing him closer and closer to the edge. His movements became fervent as new images instead of memories clashed into his consciousness.

_She was tied up to the bed on her knees, her hips straining with effort to keep herself upright under the pressure of the tight knots, covered in bruises and looking over her shoulder with longing and fear, completely bare besides the ropes that held her in place_

_Whispers slipping from her mouth, begging undertones_

_Please..._

_Leather cutting into her skin, bringing blood to the surface, blooming across the milky expanse of her back_

_Her cries for him to stop_

_Please..._

_The feeling of her tightening around him, wet and terrified, eyes closed tight, gasping in pain and pleasure._

_Denying her until she begged for more, begged to make her feel again_

_Please..._

_You're not alone_

_Neither are you_

Coming full circle to his last thought he came with a shout that he didn't intend to have slip from his lips, overwhelmed by the power of his orgasm. Shaking, he looks down at himself, covered in his own essence that has mixed with both of their blood turning it into a thick light pink all over his hand. As he came to himself he looked over at her, she remained unaware and still. With some shuffling and a click her placed his cowl and pants back into place with his belt, checking to make sure his light saber was still placed at his left hip.

He moved over her and on an impulse he took his hand, covered in his come and their blood, wiping it across the smooth skin of her inner thigh with hungry eyes. With the turn of a switch his eyes filled with rage and he yanked his hand away and recoiled from her, turning away.

Kylo Ren set his features back into a stoic mask.

_I know what I have to do_


	5. This Is All We Have Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dystopian post-war AU. Kylo Ren finds Rey unconscious and wounded after the battle in Snoke's throne room, with the sudden fall of The Resistance and the destruction of The Finalizer, he decides to take fate into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay lovelies! Thanks for everyones kudos, comments, and encouragement, it has really kept me going on updating this since I have a pretty set concept for this story. Our Reylo smut is just on the horizon!

When Rey stirred her next come to was less unpleasant than the first, she cracked open both of her eyes and she found that her body was no longer screaming in protest, but found that her limbs felt heavier than they should with a whispering ache. Her momentary stirring quickly shifted and she snapped up from the bed.

_Kylo Ren's Bed_

She gasped and ripped her body from the tangled covers, almost tumbling over tying to haul herself from its soft confines. She looked down to and shuddered, her clothes had been removed, but she took note that it appeared that she hadn't been hurt, in fact when she took in the inventory of her body she could see the bacta sheets were dried to her skin, and that her wounds had been tended to and treated, most of the dried blood looked as if it had been wiped off. She felt her heart flutter is fear as brushed the skin of her thigh, feeling something that wasn't covered by a bacta patch that had dried and left a tightness to the skin around it.

“ _Great, now the dumb bint has seen me practically naked”_ She felt herself shiver in at the thought.

Her mind began to race, her memories shifting to their conversation before she had lost consciousness. No longer did she have a place in this story, not only were her friends were gone if Kylo Ren had been telling the truth, but the war itself would have been put into a total standstill if the fall of The First Order had been alongside The Resistance, nothing would be left of either side to continue the fight before them.

_You have no place in this story, you come from nothing._

Rey chocked on a sob that escaped her throat feeling utterly defeated. A gripping pain in her chest shook her to her core as she reflected on everything she had gone through to this point. Was all of this, her leaving Jakku, finding Luke, discovering the force, endless nights of fear and inevitable battles all for nothing?

_You're nothing, but not to me_

“You're awake” She heard his voice mumble from her left

Rey shrieked and tumbled backwards off towards the side of the bed. Had he been watching her the whole time? Where did he get off sitting there lurking while she roused, came to her senses and shunted herself off in pain in complete silence?

She gathered herself up in anger and tried to rip the sheet from the bed to partially cover herself, but before she could get it untucked to wrap herself in it he had moved from the other side of it and was over her. Rey backed up to keep her distance but his strides were too long and he was on her.

She took in one breath before he pushed her into the adjoining wall, his body locking her into place without a sliver of space to allow her to move or escape. Rey's first instinct was to push him away using the force, but he was already prepared for her to do so, and as even matched as she wanted to believe them to be, he was still the more experienced force user of the two of him.

He didn't even blink or convey that her efforts had effected him. She could felt his hot breath on her face even with their height difference, Rey refused to cower from a coward and locked her eyes to his, tilting her chin up in defiance. She could feel every inch of him pressed against her, her back digging into the metal paneling on the ship.

_It's just you and me now_

“You'll make this easier for the both of us if you stop fighting, you know what I want.” Kylo whispered breathlessly into the small space in between them

Rey did know, between their shared bond his filthy and muddled thoughts tinged with violence and regret had become so blended with her own that she knew what he wanted before she had set foot on The Finalizer to try and convince Ben Solo to come back to the light. In a way, Rey had hoped that come of these thoughts could come to fruition in her darkest and loneliness hours gasping for breath on her cot at night, but completely different terms with Kylo Ren turning back to the light with her and finding his purpose once again, and finding solace in her was something on those terms she would have been willing to give under even strenuous circumstances.

_I wanted you that way_

She felt his thought through the bond, even though he could speak it practically in her mouth if he released a breath

“ _This is all we have now”_

There was a split second she could see the pained recognition flash in his eyes, his walls coming down before his expression hardened to stone. She opened her mouth to speak his birth name, not in a prayer, but in a plea.

As if sensing her intention his eyes flicked down to her dry mouth, he could see the syllable being formed and before she should speak his lips came violently crashing down onto hers. Her mind finishing the words unspoken between them.

_Ben_


	6. You Knew How This Was Going To End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dystopian post-war AU. Kylo Ren finds Rey unconscious and wounded after the battle in Snoke's throne room, with the sudden fall of The Resistance and the destruction of The Finalizer, he decides to take fate into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH LAWD HE COMIN'. Such a late update my friends, school has been a real beast this semester, and I've been juggling my job with mediocre grades NOT like a boss *grovels humbly*. Please please please from this point on be mindful of the super dead dove tags, and if you're not feeling it, DO NOT EAT, it only gets darker from here. Please leave me lots of love to keep me going, I'm so motivated to keep this thing going and I have a month long break a' comin'! NOW ONTO THE NON-CON SMUT TRAIN!

Rey froze for a split second as his chapped pillowed lips crashed into hers, she could feel her psyche being torn in half, pulling her apart in a way that was migraine inducing. But the feeling she felt deep in her abdomen was one that she had become accustomed to over a lifetime of disparity and scavenging.

_Hunger_

In violation of her own thoughts she presses herself against him and feels every bruises on her chest detest from the contact, the physical pain triggers her thoughts into motion, past the hunger, shocking her back into reality.

She rips away from him using the sliver of space he's allowed her to breathe in.

Kylo breathes heavily, his pupils blown as he looks down at her, her intention written all over her brows. He knows what she's going to do, and he's ready for it, he knows she'll fight.

Gaining momentum Rey uses her body weight along with her weakened sense of the force to shove him away, but his stance is already prepared. He grabs her by the waist and tosses her to the bed with little use of the force like a rag doll, and even in her panic there is a sick part of her that wishes to melt into the bed, her anxiety crossing lines of fear and hunger.

_Don't worry, I can feel it too._

Kylo is on her before she has a chance to twist her partially nude body away from the bulk of him. With practiced speed one of his large hands pins her wrists tightly above her head, his other hand moves over to pin her by the ribcage causing her last exhale to be pushed out violently and Rey flinches from the pain.

Rey feels his knee hitch up her thigh causing her to inhale painfully as the abrasive leather pants rubs against the healing wounds, as she starts to struggle reverently she freezes realizing her mistake with the movement of her hips.

She feels him growing hard against her inner thigh.

She turns her head towards him, eyes burning into his black irises.

“Don't” she whispers, her words low and venomous.

_I know what I have to do_

“You knew how this was going to end, you've been in my head enough to know where fighting gets you.” He whispers harshly

Rey begins to struggle with renewed enthusiasm. Yes, she did see the tendrils of his sick and deranged thoughts, even with light years in between them she could taste the sweat and blood in his dreams. She shudders with this thought and feels his member grind into her core, only her flimsy undergarments separating her from the thick material of his pants.

She keens and blushes with immense shame as her body responds to his in a way she hoped would only happen in the darkness of her dreams that they shared. As soon as Kylo feels her response he growls moving his hand down her abdomen and ripping away the fabric that separates them.

Rey gasps and pushes her wrists against his hands making no leeway, his grip as hard as his eyes upon her. She can feel the waves of his emotions pouring over her, they are so overwhelming she feels she has to gasp just to breathe enough to stay conscience.

_You're a monster_

_Yes, I am_

His hands rip open the front his pants, and she can feel his intention like the sun of Jakku on her skin, burning and heady. She knows this will not be gentle, like everything else in her life she will be baptized by fire and pain. The pain she can deal with, but she feels a shameful betrayal of her mind and body when he strokes her firmly with his fingers to find her slick and wanting. Her hips wiggle in an effort to remove his fingers but it only causes more friction, ripping a sob from her chest.

Rey feels a pressure building deep within her, unfamiliar and soul wrenching. Anger filling every crevice and void inside of her heart. A part of her whispers to herself, not like this, but then she had always known it would be like this if the moment she thought was for the darkest corners of his dreams would come to fruition.

Maybe she always knew this moment was to come.

Her body begins to crest, and she looks up at him her eyes leaking angry tears. It's as if the tears bring him a new sense of purpose, he bends down to lick the salt from her face and she moans lowly. Taking his chances he trails his wet mouth to hers, and she reluctantly opens up to him, her emotions pushing her despair into him.

_Say it_

_Please_

Rey cries out as she feels him pushing into her, his hand coming up to cup her throat possessively. The intimacy of the moment hangs heavy in the small room, lacking everything soft that intimacy usually offers. Still fully clothed, eyes smoldering with an emotion Rey dares not to speculate upon, he pushes into her fully leaving a searing pain in his wake.

Kylo lets out a gasp as he fully seats himself within her, using the pressure of his hand to push onto her throat. She is searing and feels as hot as the sun, everything about her maddening, pushing him closer and closer to insanity. He freezes his hips using all of his will power and looks down at the beautiful picture she makes.

Injured, distressed, _and oh so wet._

He can't help himself, because after all, he is a monster.

Kylo begins to thrust shallowly and Rey lets out a pained gasp, she feels as if is engulfed in a dark fire that licks her insides and bleeds out onto her skin. Her hips cant upwards and she shudders from the movement, her body already peaking through the pain, why was she like this, why was her body doing this to her.

_This is wrong, so wrong._

Kylo moves his hand from her throat to a small bundle of nerves above where he is thrusting into her and brushes roughly, once, twice. Rey cries out and feels the waves crest, she squeezes her eyes tightly shut, unable to look into his eyes knowing he is watching her with the look of an indentured lover.

She's falling, her pain mixing with unbridled pleasure, and it feels so wrong that it's the most beautiful feeling her body has ever felt. The hunger she's always felt feels quiet for the first time in her life, silent but ever watchful.

_You're not alone_

_Neither are you_

She opens her eyes to the shocking vision before her, he is falling over the edge above her, into her, and every emotion drains from him filling everything in between them. Rey gasps as he fills her, his low moan filling the entire cabin.

She feels her body shudder with a pleasure tinged deeply with pain, the last thing she sees swimming in her blurred vision before she blacks out for the third time is a single tear rolling down the face of a withered Kylo Ren.


End file.
